It's Pronounced "Emmaline": The Stages of Parents' Weekend

Stage 1:

Realization that THIS weekend is Parents' Weekend

Stage 2:

Frenzied Cleaning

It's time to wash my sheets and do my laundry for the second time this semester. Also I should probably figure out what that smell is in my Suite.

Stage 3:

Fear of Parent-Teacher Conferences

So it's winter. This whole go to class every day thing seems a bit demanding. I hope my professors don't tell my parents the number of classes I've skipped.

Stage 4:

Inventory

What exactly do I need my parents to buy me while they are here? New backpack, thirty thousand things of conditioner, beer, new mascara, contact lens solution, etc., etc., whatever my parents don't notice that I will throw in the cart.

Stage 5:

Arrival of Parents

Time to take my weekly shower and attempt to make myself presentable.

Stage 6:

Parent's Assessment of Student's Mental Stability

Have you been getting enough sleep? What exactly are you eating for meals? Nutrition Solutions doesn't count. When is the last time you left your room? How is the job search going? How is your thesis going? How is your boyfriend? Etc.

Stage 7:

Questioning Why You Ever Left Home

What? I don't have to pay for things? I got Trader Joe's snacks? It's 80 degrees at home? You'll make sure I don't sleep through my alarm? Can life get much better than this? I submit that it cannot.