Top 10 Worst Foods at Saga

Signing up for housing while at WHIP is very difficult. Unfortunately, I missed out on getting to live in Kappa, and thus onto Kappa's meal plan. That means for the first time since sophomore year, I will once again be eating in Saga. While I am very excited to come back to campus, I am NOT AT ALL looking forward to the Saga dining experience.

Saga is the sort of thing, as Hillsdale Students, we all love to hate. Long lines, weird hours, and few options plague our dear cafeteria. But Hillsdale also has its share of Saga Defenders. I know, the people there are very nice. They do their best. It's hard to feed 1400 students. But COME ON. Breakfast is always cold and the only thing the fruit is good for is throwing at people. Some things are just plain bad.


For instance:

1. The Tilapia

You know it's Friday at Hillsdale because the smell of fish radiates from the Union. Look, I am Catholic and I get the whole no meat on Fridays thing. But there's also pizza and salad. And anything else. It's not fair that the entire campus has to suffer because some of the population is Catholic. And anyway, the fish is horribly filleted and I have definitely chocked on a bone before.

2. Mango-onion pizza

More like, we are trying to use leftovers from the fridge in a thrifty way. Mango and onion? When have those two things EVER gone together. I want to vom just thinking about it.

3. Taco Tuesday

This is a great idea gone horribly wrong. While consulting my WHIP colleagues about worst foods at Hillsdale, I was totally shot down about including this option on the list. Really? People like this and I have no idea why. It looks like cat food. Strike that. I would not feed my dear cats the food they serve on Taco Tuesday.

4. Cream of Spinach Soup

During the 1940s, there was an ad campaign that claimed that spinach had more iron than red meat - hence Popeye. Obviously, science totally disproves this. Therefore, spinach should be simply limited to salads and quiche. Have you see this stuff? It looks like you scooped it up from Bawbeese.

5. Banana Pudding

Does it take like Bananas? No. Is it yellow? No. I love pudding. But every time I mildly crave it, I am always disappointed when I take a big bite of this stuff and realize it's banana and not vanilla. There is always a ton of it left over. Does anyone eat the banana pudding. Answer: NO.

6. That Super Dry Beef

 You know exactly what I mean. You think, "Huh. When is the last time I have eaten meat. Oh, yeah. At home." So you hopefully go for that delicious looking beef at the end of the hot line. You sit down, excited to eat it, and discover that you actually can't swallow it.

7. Swedish Meatballs and Egg Noodles

This dish also sounds like something that your mom would make at home. Or you could eat at Ikea. Take warning, fellow Chargers: do not touch this stuff. It's hard to keep it on a fork because it's so slimy. "Fear Factor" could exchange their worm challenge for the "Saga Swedish Meatball Challenge."

8. Mustard Crusted Pork Loin

Enough said, dude.

9. Grits and Oatmeal

Have you ever seen Jane Eyre? Or read the book? If not, stop what you are doing and pick it up immediately. Anyway, Charlotte Bronte included her own life experience about oatmeal in this classic. At her horrible boarding school (and also at Jane's), she had to eat burned oatmeal. She could never touch the stuff again. So yeah, you have something in common with Bronte and Jane Eyre.

Jane Eyre remembers her oatmeal experience

10. That Green Juice All the Athletes Drink

I might actually not understand this one, because a ton of people drink this stuff. It's a radioactive green. That's enough to deter me. But hey, maybe it has a ton of electrolytes or something. Either way, I would still worry about later giving birth to a kid with 6 arms.

20 of Hillsdale's Cutest Couples

While bored at work, I scrolled down my Facebook page and realized that Hillsdale has about a gazillion adorable couples. So, I thought some of them deserved recognition for their adorableness. I also thought this was a nice G rated post for my blog, which also wasn't about me (Though, in my heart of hearts, I think my boyfriend and I would be on this list if I were not the author of this blog)

So, I sent an email to a smattering of couples that I vaguely knew about. I know. There are tons of other couples at Hillsdale that are equally adorable as the ones listed below, which mind you, are in absolutely no particular order. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So please, dear God, do not tattle on me to the Dean. Anyway, these are the ones that responded to my email.

Bailey and Garrett

Mary Profitt and Carl

Alexis and Andy

Rachel and Robert

Morgan and Isaac

Arielle and Philip

Natalie and Casey

Gabi and Nick

Grace Marie and Brett

Sally and Nick

Eleanor and Noah

Shannon and Spencer

Bailey and Jake

Meredith and Whitaker

Chaelynn and Cole

Kaleigh and Josh

Annie and Luke

Sara and Dakota

Hannah and Viktor 

And objectively Hillsdale's most adorable couple...

Penny and Larry Arnn <3

Emmaline Learns a Lesson

Monday was a big day for me.

You might look at my title, or even perhaps clicked this link to see an apology for my previous post "Top 10 Makeout Spots at Hillsdale." Prepare to be disappointed.

The reason I wrote that post was to cheer myself up from an abysmally depressing day. Sure, I learned that some things are too risqué for Hillsdale students. I learned that I should probably think twice about what I post because a future or current employer could stumble upon it. But I also learned that if I post a sexy title, 600 of you will read it. Either way, the post was too much and it had to come down.

But no, no. Those lessons came on Tuesday morning. On Monday, I added another chapter to the saga,"Emmaline Pretends to be an Adult and Fails Miserably."

I got back from a week of sunning myself in California, only to learn that Tomas, my faithful Ford Escape, had been impounded. For those of you who don't know what this means, basically I refused to pay my tickets to the corrupt Parking Authority of Washington, D.C. Despite my failure to acknowledge the power of the Parking Authority, they still towed my car as punishment.

So I hopped on my computer. After I figured out how to get my car back, I had the distinct pleasure of calling my parents to both ask for a loan to get Tomas back and explain how I was so irresponsible as to not go to the DMV, pay $35, and get a parking permit. But come on. I just figured that the worst that D.C. could do to me was put some tickets on my permanent record. What journalist doesn't have some skeletons in her closet? Well, I was very wrong. And my parents were furious.

                                                  MY PARENTS:

                                                   ME:

First, I had to go to the Adjudication Center in Judiciary Square. What fun! I got to wait for 45 minutes, playing Doodle Jump, and then get called to the front desk by a disgruntled government employee. After proving the car was mine, by showing a letter from my father and his driver's license, I got to pay $370 to the city of D.C. A cranky woman handed me my paperwork and a form of how to get to the lot where Tomas had been taken prisoner.

The directions said to get on the green line and head to Anacostia. I had driven past Anacostia a few times, but made sure to lock my doors and get the hell out of there. Now I was being forced to spend an extended period of time in arguably the sketchiest part of the D.C. area.

After arriving at Anacostia, I took the A4 bus. I have never ridden a public bus alone before. I am still not sure how it works. Apparently this bus was supposed to stop a block from the impoundment lot, but according to the GPS on my phone, every minute I was getting farther away. Not to mention, the bus driver drove like she was on "Fast and Furious." I got off at a random stop and walked away as quickly as humanly possible. Well, more accurately as quickly as my short, stubby legs would carry me.

Checking my phone, which was at approximately 11% battery life, I realized that I was still 1.6 miles away. After walking past what I could only reasonably determine was D.C.'s worst projects, I found the dirt road that led to the impound lot. After 30 more minutes of walking, and retracing my steps because I realized I dropped some of my paperwork, I arrived.

After another 20 minute saga of getting my paperwork sorted, I finally arrived at my car. I peeled all the impoundment stickers off and Tomas and I rode into the sunset toward happily ever after (and safety).

The moral of the story: Sure, I am growing up a little bit every day. Once in awhile, however, I take a very large step backward. I am slowly, very slowly, learning that the real world sucks, but at least there's a little humor in it.

My parents think our neighbors are Jihadists

As a resident of Southern California, coming home for holidays feels like a tropical vacation. I throw off my parka, roll up my jeans, and get a mani/pedi. Though I do enjoy the break from the cold, the biggest perk to returning home is not the warm weather. I thoroughly enjoy sitting on my patio and listening to my parents explain in hushed tones their conspiracy theories about our neighbors.

Let me draw you a picture of our little suburb of California. We live 30 minutes from Los Angeles in a sleepy, little town. Our town has no industry - it's a bedroom community filled with track homes, strip malls, and In-N-Outs. Our community isn't exactly the breeding ground for militaristic terrorist cells.

But this doesn't stop my parents from continual worry. Our former next door neighbor was the mayor. After the FBI raided his house on suspicion of corruption, our neighbor was convicted and thrown in jail. The mayor's daughter took care of the house for some time, but after the mayor's wife finally left him, she sold the house. Soon someone purchased the house. My parents waited anxiously to befriend our neighbors and invite them to the annual neighborhood watch party they hosted. Much to their dismay, the neighbors expressed no interest in joining the community. A small muslim family, they kept to themselves. This alarmed my parents.

So, as my parents peaked out our venetian blinds, their suspicions mounted. Here is a list of reasons my parents have come up with as to why my neighbors are Jihadists:

1. Apparently the father works for the phone company, and they moved the family here. The father claims he hates our town and it was the last place he wanted to move.

2. The father only wears a dirty blue work shirt. He talks a walk around our neighborhood every day.

3. My parents cannot pronounce their names.

4. The father said he named his son after "the prophet."

5. They don't do their yard work. To prepare for our guests coming on Thanksgiving, my mother dispatched my father to clean up their yard at 4 a.m., as to not embarrass her.

6. They claim that they go camping. A seemingly innocuous activity, but for some odd reason, my parents don't believe them.

7. Their children don't play outside, except for when the father is home.

8. Whenever my mom leaves the house, she checks how many cars are outside our neighbor's house. Every morning there are three cars. When she returns in the evening, three cars sit outside the house. I know that it's impossible that they leave the house in between the hours that my mom leaves, so this makes total sense.

9. My mother has never met the wife, nor has she ever seen her.

10. They have no interest in socializing with my parents.

If suddenly the Department of Defense claims our next door neighbors are wanted and suspected terrorists, I will sincerely apologize to my parents. Perhaps that house is cursed and everyone who moves in will eventually end up incarcerated. Most likely, my parents watch too much Fox News and listen to too much Rush Limbaugh. But hey, I don't live at home for most of the year. Who am I to say?

Things I am thankful for

As Thanksgiving rolls around the corner, I have spent some time reflecting on the things in my life that I should be thankful for – of course this wasn’t during class Mom, Dad, and Dr. Arnn. While my aunt always says she is thankful for running water, and living without it I would have to agree, a lot of other things are pretty great in my life too.

1.     My two best friends have lived with me and learned all my weird habits and love me nonetheless. I hope.

2.     Thanks to being mocked by my more politically correct, public school friends, the “r-word” is no longer in my vernacular.

3.     With my side job as Stossel’s social media manager, I can finally afford to buy almond milk when I go to the grocery store.

4.     Diet coke partnered with Taylor Swift. Can life get much better? I submit that it cannot.

5.     Vampire Weekend came out with new album after a billion years of nothing.

6.     I have found a hairdresser who loves me, cuts my hair excellently, and gives me free waxes. CoughcoughNikkieatVolumeCoughCough

7.     Kappa won the scholarship cup. Yeah! #KKGForeva

8.      My boyfriend still laughs at my jokes even though we’ve been dating for 10 months and he’s heard them all before.

9.     Tomas, my car, has yet to suffer any life-threatening injuries.

10. Rand Paul exists.

11. You can now get sugar-free peppermint mochas at Starbucks.

12. Weed is legal in some states.

13. Matt Spalding came to the Kirby Center. What an intellectual babe.

14. I now own a pink iPhone.

15. There are only 3 more months until the new season of “House of Cards” comes out.

16. I discovered the amazingness of Stephen Crane. Thank you Honors Thesis.

17. I learned how to curl my hair with a straightener. Thanks Nikki! (See #6)

18. My mom has a glimmer of faith that I might get a job after college.

19. For the last semester, I have averaged 10 hours of sleep.

20.  I’ve gotten an amazing education and I still have love for Hillsdale, even after 4 years of abuse by Bs and Cs.

You Should Date Someone in the Honors Program

You scoffed at the title of my post. I’m sure you did. Even those of you in the honors program at Hillsdale probably thought I was crazy. Sure, maybe I am a little crazy (ask my friends and family – they would probably agree with you). But I am sure about this. The Honorites rock. Here’s why:

1.    After 4 years being mocked, we have tough skins – Yeah I am in the honors program and I’m okay with it! Became my biggest and most used comeback freshman year. Original, I know.

2.     We won’t make any money because we want jobs that aim at higher things than living above the poverty line, but we really value happiness – You and I both know that most of us will be professors.

3.     We’ve read a lot – Some by choice, most by being forced by our teachers, parents, and professors.

4.     If we get married and have babies, those babies will have some damn fine genes – Self-explanatory.

5.     We value loyalty – We have learned the value of helping each other by sharing notes notes, editing others’ papers, and staying friends for four years.

6.     We laugh at ourselves – And there’s a lot that we do that warrants self-deprecation.

7.     We’ve been to Turkey AND experienced riots there - Come on. That’s an awesome cocktail party story.  

8.     We’ve been humbled – We’ve realized that despite being in the honors program, we aren’t the smartest kids in the school.

9.     We are good friends with professors – Didn’t get into Dr. Gamble’s class? We’ve got you covered. Oh, Dr. Bart’s class is full? Good thing she adores us.

10. Everyone secretly loves a nerd – Damn straight

The Real Reasons You Should Go to WHIP

All you politics majors, I know you’ve read the brochure the school puts out for WHIP. I’m positive you attended all of Dr. Bobb’s little informational meetings. I know that you want to put on your resume “Go-fer for Ted Cruz, OMG.” D.C. is basically your paradise. While I’m sure all of your reasons are valid, let me give you the skinny about the actual benefits of going to WHIP.

For one, don’t go unless you are 21. Trust me. Bar life here makes Broad Street look like the Congo’s worst bar. Shots, shots, shots for days. And nice people to buy them for you (men excluded from this benefit I suppose).

Do you feel like you and your closest friends could really use some quality time? Guess what: you will have no one else to pick from for an entire semester. That’s right. You eat, sleep, breath, and take classes with same 15 people. Either you will be soul mates with these people by the end of semester, or you will want them all dead.

Sick of Saga? Well WHIP means no Saga for a semester. Unfortunately, this means you have to live off your own cooking. Although I would rather use my kitchen for something like clothing storage, I do appreciate the microwave and refrigerator because I basically live off Lean Cuisines and Chipotle. Oh wait? Did I mention Chipotle is a block away? Yes, yes it.

Want a boyfriend or girlfriend to share stories about your horrible boss? Don’t come to WHIP. Unless you want to date some yuppie, stuck-up staffer, stay at Hillsdale. Everyone there wants to date and get married and the whole shtick. Already found “the one”? Install google hangout or skype ASAP.

Do you enjoy shopping? There are malls and shopping galore in D.C. Feel like buying a new dress at ZARA? Ride the metro two stops. Is Forever 21 more your style? Three metro stops. Do you want the feeling of walking through a mall, buying a slurpee and a pretzel, and visiting like 50 stores and maxing out your credit card? Pentagon City is a 20 minute metro ride. And it's the best. There is a Panera, Starbucks, and Chipotle in their food court!

More importantly, did you have a rough semester? Did you take Jackson, Gamble, and Sommerville in the same semester? Your GPA looks pretty rough, huh? Well then WHIP is the place for you! While we do get a lot of reading, it’s super interesting and manageable. And you get an A for your internship. That’s basically like a solid A in two regular Hillsdale Classes. Boom.

Also, without a ton of homework, you can do whatever you want. Feel like going to a museum? You can! Want to get drunk on a Tuesday? Totally an option. Want to watch a movie and curl into bed at 8:30 or watch the entire Sex and the City series? No one will judge you.

Oh yes, the college’s selling point: the internship. As a seasoned interned, I will tell you all internships basically suck. Most likely you will be picking up someone’s lunch or filing or making calls or running around like a crazy person, not writing legislation for the next presidential candidate in the Senate or the front page article for National Review. But having an internship is fun for other reasons. You get to do things you would never had the opportunity to do at Hillsdale. You get to see what life is like post-graduation. And of course, you get some real-life job experience.

So what are you waiting for? Sign up and join the league of Whipsters.