Beloit College, another small liberal-arts college somewhere in the U.S., released its annual 'Mindset' of the incoming freshmen class today. With all the changes happening around campus, I got to thinking as an old alumna, what is the mindset of Hillsdale's incoming freshman class?
Here goes:
1. The kitchen in Olds has never been a disgusting cesspit.
2. They've never stormed the field when Hillsdale beat GVSU.
3. Hillsdale's sport's complex has always looked like a DI campus's gym.
4. Tons of people have to take the remedial math class.
5. They will never sing drinking songs at the Donnybrook.
6. Complaining about Saga will never be something they bond over.
7. Security has always been run by someone with the last name "Whorley."
8. They'll never understand the phrase 'Weedfeldt.'
9. The downstairs of Broad Street has always been a super cool place for upperclassmen to hang out.
10. The Honors Program could never be run without Dr. Gamble.
11. Neidfeldt has always been a men's dorm.
12. The website has always had pictures of current students on it.
13. Simpson has always been the nicest male dorm.
14. There's always been Mediterranean food at that one gas station.
15. DTD is just another old house on Greek Row that's been there forever.
16. The Old Student Union has always been nice enough that it's not just populated by smokers.
17. The Kirby Center has always existed.
18."Health and Wellness" has always been a required class.
19. They didn't live through the 'Icepocalypse' of 2010... so they will never have a snow day.
20. Honors Students have always had to give defenses.
21. They'll never hear the term 'weighing in' for the tug-of-war during the sororities's Greek Week.
22. They have no idea who Dr. Reist is.
23. The Hillsdale 'Forum' has always been competing with the 'Collegian.'
24. There has always been a women's tennis team.
25. Dr. Arnn has always been and will always be the President of Hillsdale College.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
10 Types of People I Hate on the Subway
So I'm a location romantic. When I found out I was moving to New York, I knew I had to live in Brooklyn. The Brooklyn of my parent's day was crime-infested and sketchy. Now, however, it's been gentrified and is full of beards, organic coffee shops, and Whole Foods. Plus, I had a slight obsession with 'Girls' and the book 'A Tree Grows in Brooklyn' and I reassured myself that the borough would be exactly like I expected.
For the most part, Brooklyn is every bit as delightful as I imagined. I am so predictable and I feel like it's no longer cool to like Brooklyn. But here I am - obsessed with the outer borough.
But no one tells you that when you move to Brooklyn, the commute to midtown Manhattan IS ABSOLUTE HELL. Brooklyn is the largest borough of New York, housing 2.6 million people - and all of them commute at the same hours that I do.
So after six weeks of this 40 minute commute from hell, I have determined the worst types of people on the subway.
1. Tourists
I've been a tourist on many subway lines and I'm sure I've bugged the crap out of natives. But really. Subway surfing is not a thing. Don't run around in the train. Figure out what stop you are getting off at so you don't need to yell across the train at the rest of your party. And finally, please - your matching neon shirts are so 1994.
2. Asian Tourists
Everything from #1, but add a different language, no body awareness, and a lot more yelling.
3. People Who Put Their Shopping Bag on the Seat Next to Them
Whenever I see this, I fantasize about just pushing their bag off the seat. Just to see their reaction. Muahahha But really? Come on! There are 800 people crammed in here and everyone wants a seat. Your Gap dress will be fine if it sits on your lap.
4. Crying Babies
I love babies. Like loooooveeee babies. But at 8:30 am as the train makes its way over the Manhattan bridge, the last thing I want to do is hear your baby scream. Seriously people: take a cab or stick in a pacifier.
5. People Who Shove You to Get a Better Spot
When you live in New York, you adopt this weird habit. When someone shoves you, it's tantamount to killing your first child. Last summer, I went home to California for two weeks after spending 3 months in the city. A woman bumped me in the grocery store and I shot her my typical, "I want you dead" look that I had picked up in New York. When I realized that this rude behavior had become regular to me, I was horrified.
But it's part of living in the city. On the subway, however, there really is a finite amount of space that people can cram in to. Shoving is not going to help. Generally, I shove right back. I'm sure I am going to get shanked at some point, but it would be totally worth it to show someone who's boss.
6. Extremely Large Men
When everyone crams it, it pays to be 5'5''. I really feel sorry for 7'10'' 500000lb man who try to find space in the train. Sorry man - life on the subway is never going to be easy for you.
7. Anyone Who Plays an Instrument or Dances
In my Hillsdale Econ class we would have called this the benefit of a captive audience. On the B train on my way home from work, I call this annoying as hell. The last thing I want after 9 hours of work is to hear bongo drums and someone yelling at me to pay them for something I didn't want to see in the first place.
8. People with Beats Headphones
On the way to work, I read. It's a 40 minute trip most days, so I've gotten a fair amount of reading done. Sometimes, however, some idiot decides to blast offensive music in their Beats headphones and I go ballistic. Okay, this one really makes me sound like an old person, but I don't care.
9. Large Groups of Youths from Long Island
Look, when I was your age (picture me shaking a finger at some teenagers) going in to New York City would have been the coolest thing ever. But really - have some dignity. I don't want to hear about your crush or drama from the entire other side of the train. And if you don't sit right next to each other, you will survive.
10. People Who Wear Surgical Masks
I recently told my boyfriend that if Ebola breaks out in the city, he is obligated to come get me immediately. So I feel both annoyed and freaked out when I see these people. But they are overreacting. Right...?
For the most part, Brooklyn is every bit as delightful as I imagined. I am so predictable and I feel like it's no longer cool to like Brooklyn. But here I am - obsessed with the outer borough.
But no one tells you that when you move to Brooklyn, the commute to midtown Manhattan IS ABSOLUTE HELL. Brooklyn is the largest borough of New York, housing 2.6 million people - and all of them commute at the same hours that I do.
So after six weeks of this 40 minute commute from hell, I have determined the worst types of people on the subway.
1. Tourists
I've been a tourist on many subway lines and I'm sure I've bugged the crap out of natives. But really. Subway surfing is not a thing. Don't run around in the train. Figure out what stop you are getting off at so you don't need to yell across the train at the rest of your party. And finally, please - your matching neon shirts are so 1994.
2. Asian Tourists
Everything from #1, but add a different language, no body awareness, and a lot more yelling.
3. People Who Put Their Shopping Bag on the Seat Next to Them
Whenever I see this, I fantasize about just pushing their bag off the seat. Just to see their reaction. Muahahha But really? Come on! There are 800 people crammed in here and everyone wants a seat. Your Gap dress will be fine if it sits on your lap.
4. Crying Babies
I love babies. Like loooooveeee babies. But at 8:30 am as the train makes its way over the Manhattan bridge, the last thing I want to do is hear your baby scream. Seriously people: take a cab or stick in a pacifier.
5. People Who Shove You to Get a Better Spot
When you live in New York, you adopt this weird habit. When someone shoves you, it's tantamount to killing your first child. Last summer, I went home to California for two weeks after spending 3 months in the city. A woman bumped me in the grocery store and I shot her my typical, "I want you dead" look that I had picked up in New York. When I realized that this rude behavior had become regular to me, I was horrified.
But it's part of living in the city. On the subway, however, there really is a finite amount of space that people can cram in to. Shoving is not going to help. Generally, I shove right back. I'm sure I am going to get shanked at some point, but it would be totally worth it to show someone who's boss.
6. Extremely Large Men
When everyone crams it, it pays to be 5'5''. I really feel sorry for 7'10'' 500000lb man who try to find space in the train. Sorry man - life on the subway is never going to be easy for you.
7. Anyone Who Plays an Instrument or Dances
In my Hillsdale Econ class we would have called this the benefit of a captive audience. On the B train on my way home from work, I call this annoying as hell. The last thing I want after 9 hours of work is to hear bongo drums and someone yelling at me to pay them for something I didn't want to see in the first place.
8. People with Beats Headphones
On the way to work, I read. It's a 40 minute trip most days, so I've gotten a fair amount of reading done. Sometimes, however, some idiot decides to blast offensive music in their Beats headphones and I go ballistic. Okay, this one really makes me sound like an old person, but I don't care.
9. Large Groups of Youths from Long Island
Look, when I was your age (picture me shaking a finger at some teenagers) going in to New York City would have been the coolest thing ever. But really - have some dignity. I don't want to hear about your crush or drama from the entire other side of the train. And if you don't sit right next to each other, you will survive.
10. People Who Wear Surgical Masks
I recently told my boyfriend that if Ebola breaks out in the city, he is obligated to come get me immediately. So I feel both annoyed and freaked out when I see these people. But they are overreacting. Right...?
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
My Cat is Going to Kill Me
I thought that having a cat would make everything right in the world. I enjoy meowing at my friends and looking at cat videos for hours online. My having a cat just made sense.
So when my boyfriend got me a cat for my graduation present, my happiness was overwhelming. The Humane Society Website even put my picture on their Facebook page because I looked so excited.
Even here you can see the evil in my cat, Wendy. It wasn't obvious at first. I was fooled by her purring, snuggling, and overall cuteness. She weighed less than a pound! It was sort of ridiculous for me to be afraid of her. But a demon lurked inside of her... waiting for me to be alone to enact her evil plot.
Wendy is no longer a small bundle of joy. When I get home from work, I creep into my apartment, desperately hoping that I can avoid her sneak attack. Nine times out of ten, she gets me. Whether its gnawing on my leg or knocking my drink off the table, her intelligence and evilness shocks me daily.
Wendy finds the best moment to attack me, when I am blissfully asleep. She puts her paw on my face and then purrs, waking me up, and fooling me once again. I always assume that she wants to snuggle. I am deceived by her cuteness! But no, Wendy starts by being sweet, but quickly shows her true colors. Between biting my face and chewing my face, all hope of falling back asleep is over. I shuffle out of bed and am forced to start my day at 5:00 am.
All this to say, I have clearly crossed some threshold into crazy cat lady territory, as my biggest fear in New York City is being killed by a small cat.
So when my boyfriend got me a cat for my graduation present, my happiness was overwhelming. The Humane Society Website even put my picture on their Facebook page because I looked so excited.
Even here you can see the evil in my cat, Wendy. It wasn't obvious at first. I was fooled by her purring, snuggling, and overall cuteness. She weighed less than a pound! It was sort of ridiculous for me to be afraid of her. But a demon lurked inside of her... waiting for me to be alone to enact her evil plot.
Wendy is no longer a small bundle of joy. When I get home from work, I creep into my apartment, desperately hoping that I can avoid her sneak attack. Nine times out of ten, she gets me. Whether its gnawing on my leg or knocking my drink off the table, her intelligence and evilness shocks me daily.
Wendy finds the best moment to attack me, when I am blissfully asleep. She puts her paw on my face and then purrs, waking me up, and fooling me once again. I always assume that she wants to snuggle. I am deceived by her cuteness! But no, Wendy starts by being sweet, but quickly shows her true colors. Between biting my face and chewing my face, all hope of falling back asleep is over. I shuffle out of bed and am forced to start my day at 5:00 am.
All this to say, I have clearly crossed some threshold into crazy cat lady territory, as my biggest fear in New York City is being killed by a small cat.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)