An Open Letter to my Dad

Dear Dad, 

     Today is your 52nd birthday. The big 5-2. Right now, you are on a plane about to embark on a pilgrimage to the Holy Lands and I am unbelievably jealous as I sit in my cubicle, debating what to eat for dinner. But in all reality, that's not the reason I'm writing this letter. This is my thank you letter to you. Thanks for the 23 years that you have taken care of me, loved me and been a fantastic father. 
     You told me yesterday that wisdom consists of knowledge and experiences. You can learn something, but only when you go out and do it can you truly understand it. While I think this is true (and quite wise) I think you missed something. To be wise, one must also learn from the people around them. So here's what I've learned from you in the past 23 years.

1. Be Passionate
    Whether it's cars, tools or your job, you never do anything halfheartedly. You thought we should have a playroom, you built it. You dreamed of a classic Porsche your entire life, you saved and bought one (despite your first daughter's unending complaints about it). You want to keep your business afloat despite a financial crisis, you work hard and did it. I've never seen you groan or bellyache about getting things done and that's quite a rare quality. 

2. Read the Classics
    When we were small, every night you would read us some of the "Book of Virtues." Looking back on it, I'm sure you were exhausted from a day at work and we were probably restless and never ready for bed. But that didn't stop you of course. Since the time that we could read, you brought home books for us and you still send me them in the mail. Without you encouraging me to read, I never would have gone to Hillsdale and who knows where I would be now? But in all reality, you gave me a better gift than Hillsdale: You inspired in me the love of the written word. And for that I am entirely grateful. 

3. Forgive Easily and Without a Grudge
    Ugh, how do you do this? I'm still working on it. You told me one time that you just forget about the things people have done. But I think in reality you have a huge heart and this just comes naturally for you.

4. Love Your Siblings
    I have fond memories as a little girl of sitting in your lap and watching you and your brothers and sisters have a ball of a time. I know that your relationships never were and are not perfect, but I admire your ability to love them fully and become friends as the years have gone by.

5. Take Care of Your Car
    This one was sort of lost on me. But since now I don't need a car and if I ever do in the future I intend to have a guy around, I think that's all right. But A for effort for trying to make me care.

6. Surround Yourself with People Who are Smarter Than You
    "Successful people don't surround themselves with minions, Emily," you told me when I was probably about 7 years old. "People who are smarter than you raise you up and push you to work harder." So 7-year-old me probably didn't understand this (though I became friends with Ashley and Elena so clearly I got some of it). I definitely get this now. Lots of people have said this, but it proves to me your humility and your desire to learn. Plus you just have really good taste (take marrying mom for example).

7. Go to Church on Sundays
"And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8
  Could this better sum up you and my mother's relationship with God? I submit that it could not. As I have grown up, I've realized that you and mom have provided me with a beautiful example of devotion to God in every day life. So thanks for saving my soul.

8. Be Kind
    If anyone has every met you dad, my bet is that the first word they would use to describe you would be kind. Then probably, "and he has a really red nose." But first and foremost kind.

9. Invest in People
    You never give up on anyone. But because I'm writing this letter, thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for forgiving me for parking in front of your car, for yelling at you when you tried to wake me up, for not getting you my flight details. But thank you more for believing in my and being my cheerleader when I needed it most. Whenever I talk to you, I know I can do anything.

10. Never Stop Trying to be a Better Person
    Despite everything that you have gone through, everything that having three kids, two cats, a wife and a company has thrown at you, you've never stopped trying to better yourself. And isn't that the most important lesson? But you truly embody it. You admit your mistakes, apologize and then figure out what to learn from the experience. 

    I know you aren't perfect, and you never pretend to be, but that makes you an even better dad. You're not a god, you're a regular dude, who's just trying to figure it out like the rest of us. But it's in that humanity that I love you the most. It's embarrassing now, because I'm tearing up at my desk, but I really love you. I can't imagine life without you and I am blessed beyond measure to be your daughter. 

    So enjoy your trip, buy me a present and don't get blown up by ISIS. 

Love, 
Fishy

Rules of Adulting No One Told You About

Ugh. It all started with moisturizer. I already know how ridiculous this sounds, but bear with me.

I was out with friends and the subject of moisturizer choice came up. I politely declined to participate in the discussion as I don't use moisturizer. I have many faults, but my skin is not one of them. If I do say so myself, I have a great complexion. One year worth of the world's evilest preteen drug, Accutane, will give you that. Anyway, when my friends discovered that I don't use stupid moisturizer, panic and chaos ensued. "WHAT?!" they exclaimed in frenzied tones. I called my mother. "Do you want wrinkles when you're old? Why are you not using moisturizer?' I was shocked. I had no idea this was a thing. I wash my face... I had no clue the ENTIRE REST OF THE WORLD had a whole other step added to their routine.

Umm... so why did no one tell me this was a thing? I lived in a sorority house for a year and this never came up. Or I was just totally oblivious to everyone else on the planet ensuring their face was properly hydrated.

I'd like to say this was the first time something like this had happened to me. But it's not. Every once in a while I realize that I'm making up this whole adult thing as I go along. I hope you feel the same, because otherwise I'm just a crazy person on the internet ranting about moisturizer. Well, I am. But we're already here so you must think that I'm not totally insane.

In the last year of figuring out how to function as an adult, I've given myself some rules. Once again, maybe these are totally understood and known by the general populace, but as evidenced by the great moisturizergate of 2015, I'm a painfully slow learner. (And as the below text proves I needed to get this out because my mother wasn't picking up the phone).

1. You Don't Have to Read/Finish Books You Don't Like

I fail at this all the time. I just read the most horrible, depressing book, but of course I finished it. (It's called "What She Saw." Avoid it at all costs!) After being conditioned for the last 12 years to read and finish what was put in front of me, whether it was Aristotle or Toni Morrison, it's hard for me to put down books. They're begging to be finished. But no. Reading should make you happy. And you don't have to be intellectual all the time. Sometimes it's just great to read some fun fiction that makes you smile!

2. You Have to Accept that You're Too Old to Wear Certain Things

Hooded sweatshirts are not acceptable unless you're lounging around at home. Cargo shorts are never allowed, men, but I could write a whole other post about that. Really, it's tragic walking into a store and being like, ugh. I bet kids on the Disney Channel are wearing this and then crying because you don't even know who's on the damn Disney Channel anymore. As badly as I want a cute pink dress with flowers on it, I have to put it down and pick up an "adult" cardigan. Bleh.

3. ConEd is an Evil Institution That's Out to Make Your Life Miserable 

Just accept this and move on. I dare you to try to solve a simple problem on the phone with these people. It's impossible.

This is everyone who works at ConEd

4. You Shouldn't Show Up to Work Hungover

This is a bit of a problem, because as an adult you're supposed to be able to go out on weekdays and handle a glass of wine. But if you're me, this just isn't a reality. If I have two beers, I'm out for the count. But being hungover at work is probably what Dante meant when he was talking about the inner circle of hell. Try concentrating at a meeting while you simultaneously want to throw up and eat something fried. Scratch that. Don't try that. It's the literal worst.

5. You Have to be Nice to Awful People

Please tell me when this gets easier. Sometimes I want to reach into my computer and strangle people. Apple, when are you going to make that possible? On the other hand NSA, if you're reading this, my idea could come in handy for you. But if I have to send one more email with a smiley face to someone who is being a real bitch, I'll kill myself. But I will, because my job depends on it.

6. You Have to Dress Like You Have Money at Work

So I'm basically getting paid pennies, but I'm supposed to dress like I can afford Brooks Brothers? How is this even possible? Well sales, my friend, sales. But really? If I owned a company, if you got paid like shit you would be allowed to dress like shit. Alas, I do not run any companies. Therefore, I scrounge and hunt for clothes like my ancient ancestors hunted for water in the desert.

7. Your Room Shouldn't be Decorated Like a College Dorm

I totally fail at this. The only adult things I have in my room are a book shelf and a candle. I have Wes Anderson posters I imported from France hung on my wall. People just expect you to become an interior decorator over night after spending four years taping crap to your walls? This is absurd. But of course, some crazy hipster from Etsy is shipping me new wall stuff as we speak. So I am trying.

8. You're Not Allowed to Talk About College

Either people get annoyed because they're too far removed or they don't want to be reminded of how young you are. I hate being 23 for this reason. Someone will say, "Remember 'Rocky?'" Umm... no because my parents weren't even married when that came out. Also, going to Hillsdale makes it even worse. "Oh yeah that reminds me of reading Anthony Downs on the economic theory of democracy." Oh never mind, I went to a freak college, where people actually talked about out-of-the-mainstream ideas. But whatever.

9. Pink Glittery Things are No Longer Acceptable

I can't even get into this. It depresses me too much.

10. Moisturizer is a Basic Human Necessity, as Important as Water and Shelter

Okay, maybe not. But do you want wrinkles?! I'm obviously overreacting to this whole thing. But what can I say? No one said you can't be a dramatic adult, so I'm sticking to it.

PS: I now have moisturizer and I must admit it feels quite nice.