Am I Loser? It's Still Up For Debate

I was getting my nails done after church on Sunday and my phone buzzed. Thinking it was this guy I'm trying to stop seeing who I think is in the Jewish mafia, I ignored it. When my manicurist got up to massage my back, which I hate and didn't ask for, I checked my phone. Turns out it's been one month since I quit smoking. As of now I have not smoked in 720 hours, saved $527.38, skipped 753 cigarettes and put 180 hours back on my life. In other words, I'm over it.

It's not that I'm not happy or proud of myself. I am. I think I freaking deserve a gold star. But really, is my life so much different? Meh. I told my therapist that I think I've lost my cool factor. After rolling her eyes at me. she suggested finding a new hobby. Slay me. I love her, but no hobby will replace smoking. Nothing will ever be as satisfying, fun, COOL or interesting as smoking. I am doomed to nerdom forever.

What did I expect was going to happen once I stopped smoking? Truthfully, I assumed I had a contract with God that if I quit, everything else would magically go right. I would lose 1 million pounds, make all the friends, finally develop a fashion sense, open a real savings account and get a boyfriend who wouldn't make my mother cringe.

Well, none of that happened. In fact, things have been pretty much static. Except one thing: my dad got me an eHarmony gift card. This was utter proof that any je ne sais quoi I thought I had is completely and utterly gone. It shouldn't matter that my parents think I'm a bit of a loser. But it's starting to.

Forget the nicotine withdrawal, I'm going crazy from being boring. So if I can't smoke anymore, then I am going to white knuckle my way to being interesting. Taking a cue from Queen Shonda Rhimes I am hereby instituting my year of yes. Any opportunity that comes knocking, I am going to freaking* open the door for and invite in.

I haven't made a list in awhile, but here are a few things I've decided to say yes to in the three days I've decided to do this:

1. Going to the grocery store with my roommate even though I didn't need anything

2. Eating outdoors instead of at my desk

3. Some Catholic thing that involves confession and a pub afterward

4. Agreeing to a date I don't really want to go on

5. Reading a book I feel meh about

6. Making plans to go to a family reunion

7. Reading a book about tidying and taking out 10 bags of stuff out of my room (NOTE: I would not do this if you're in a bad mood. I sort of regret a few things I flippantly threw away, like my graduation gown).

8. Wearing heels to work

9. Adding butter to my coffee (apparently it's healthy?)

10. Updating the software on my phone

We'll see how successful I am. But things can only go up from here... right?

*I don't actually use the use work freaking as much as my blog would suggest. I censor myself in order to avoid getting shit from my dad and Evan.