Perhaps it's PTSD from my middle school days. In the fifth grade, my biggest crush leaned over to me in the middle of class and said, "Don't you think it's funny that you have more hair on your legs than I do?"Even writing this now, I still feel the pain of the cuts on my legs from my first shaving experience that night. Needless to say, I didn't get a Valentine from him a few weeks later.
But I digress.
Valentine's Day is the worst. Here's why:
1. PDA
Look, I have a boyfriend. I get it. Sometimes the feeling to kiss overpowers you and you lose all self-control. On 364 days of the year, PDA is frowned upon and even discouraged. For some reason, on Valentine's Day it becomes universally acceptable. I'm sorry, but no one wants to see you playing tongue hokey any day of the year. Keep it together people.
2. People's obsession with calling it SAD Day
For one, it's redundant. "Single Awareness Day" Day. Just call it SAD. Also, in the same way that it's not okay to be overly touchy on Valentine's Day, it's also not okay to be overly cranky. If I see one status saying something to the effect of "I will be forever alone" or "I only need God to love me," etc., I may have to write that person a strongly-worded email.
3. Flowers
I like flowers as much as the next girl, which is to say not a lot. Flowers are expensive and they die. It's like buying a nice pair of shoes that fall apart in four days. No thanks. I would prefer if giving cash to your Valentine was socially acceptable.
4. Chocolate
Okay, that's a lie. It's the only good part of Valentine's Day. Nom Nom.
5. Trying to find a dinner reservation
When you live in a city of 8000 people and only two nice restaurants exist, there is no way you can get a seat. Does Olivia's or Johnny T's even accept reservations? I don't know. But either way, you will be waiting like 10 years for a table if you try to go out. Yuck.
6. Valentine's Day Candy
Have you noticed that Sweethearts taste like chalk? Of course you have. No one wants them, but on the 14th of February I end up with millions of them. Not to mention getting chocolate that has sat on CVS's shelf since Christmas. Sorry kids in Africa, but these are going straight into the trash.
7. My mother sending me gifts
Sorry mom, but even though I love the gifts that you send me when I am single, it just reminds me how single I am. Look how cool I am! My mom sends me gifts so that I feel less sad about my singleness. Not.
8. Everyone wearing pink
I love pink. Pink sparkly is my spirit color. When I see everyone drenched in pink, however, I get weirdly possessive of my color. This is irrational, but I don't care. I love it.
Other People:
Me:
9. Rom Coms
Bleh. I hate Romantic Comedies. My boyfriend and I watch horror movies when we run out of things to do. Rom Coms are unrealistic and poorly written. Basically, they are a complete waste of time. I will never get the hours back from waiting for Drew Barrymore to finally get her first kiss. And it was super anti-climactic anyway.
10. The fact that we celebrate having a significant other
It's not bad to be happy that you aren't single, but Valentine's Day makes it seem like the pinnacle of achievement for a human being. It's not. Why don't we celebrate "College Graduation Day" or "First Pay Check Day." Answer: because it's less sexy. Boo popular culture.
This Valentine's Day, Jon and I plan to camp out in my room with Finish Line and watch all of "House of Cards." And in case you didn't catch that, yes, you can take out Finish Line. Even though this isn't very romantic, it's something that we both love and enjoy doing together. And lucky for the rest of you, we won't be on campus to exhibit any PDA.
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