First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage....

When I woke up on Saturday morning, my boyfriend had decorated my entire suite with flowers to celebrate our one-year anniversary. Jon surprised me by creating a scavenger hunt that led to Jilly Beans, where he stood with even more flowers. After a horse-drawn carriage ride in Frankenmuth, Jon blindfolded me and took me to a quaint country restaurant. About halfway through dinner, Jon got a nervous tremor in his left hand, the kind that appears around my father. Finally, he got down on one knee and asked me the question that I'd been longing to hear since I was a little girl.

Psych.

(Keep calm Kappas.)

If the above scenario happened to me, I would most definitely vomit. On our one-year anniversary, Jon and I drove through McDonald's for breakfast, read in my suite, went to Mass, and then ate dinner with five of my closest guy friends. Pretty much the antithesis of a romantic evening.

Red Vest Girl, you are my spirit animal. 

But that's what we both wanted - It's just who we are. Despite our tendency away from the romantic, my relationship with Jon is a true love. I love him so much, at times it seems like my heart hurts. Sometimes, we giggle about our likelihood of having a redheaded child. Other times, we disagree over whether we will have a cat or a dog. Picturing myself at 25, 40, 72, and 101, I always see Jon next to me, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse. 

When you see me around, however, you will notice the ring finger on my left hand remains bare. And if one more person asks me when I am going to get engaged, he or she will receive a punch to the face.

The Hillsdale culture glorifies relationships that prove their love by following a prescribed set of steps. First, a couple must Hillsdate and become the object of dozens of rumors. Next, the couple tells their closest friends that they have become official, and before long everyone in the Hillsdale universe knows that they are dating. Finally, some time during senior year the gentleman pops the question to the lucky lady. Then comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage. 

My relationship with Jon has taught me it's possible to have a great love at Hillsdale and arrive at spring with no ring. But, by watching couples like Grace Marie and Brett, Kaleigh and Josh, Emily and Ian, and Ariel and Jonathan I have realized that sometimes this formula works. There is no right path for a relationship.

At a school that aims for every student to graduate with a longing for the truth, it’s hard for us to grasp that every person’s romantic life takes a different form. A collegiate pursuit of truth doesn’t need to end in an engagement.

And maybe your future spouse isn’t a Hillsdale College student. Maybe they don’t exist at all. At Hillsdale, there are so many demands on our time that not having a relationship means you can completely devote yourself to your friendships, professors, and classes. I made my best friends at Hillsdale when I didn’t have a boyfriend and I would argue that singlehood enriches a college experience. Despite what secular culture tells us, singlehood is a legitimate vocation. It’s unfair to assume that everyone has to get married. Besides, without a significant other, Valentine’s Day drama doesn’t exist (BTW, look forward to my next post: 10 Reasons I hate Valentine’s Day).

But in all reality, Jon and I know that we are not ready for marriage. Forever seems like the time it takes for an Oakley worker to make us a sandwich, not the amount of time we can fathom spending with each other. As we transition to whatever God has in store for us professionally, Jon and I want to grab a hold of whatever is put before us and live it to the fullest. Moving away from Hillsdale next year means that we want to spend some time exploring our new city. We want to let our love blossom in our ever-developing faith. I want to be selfish for a little bit longer and let Jon pay for everything. Jon wants to continue believing that one day I will agree to get a dog. We want to be silly and not worry about being serious about a mortgage, kids, and retirement. We have the rest of our life to be married - why rush through the fun stuff?

When it's time to get married, we know that the Holy Spirit will lead us to the altar. But despite the peer pressure at Hillsdale, it's okay if that's not this semester. For now, the only big question I am longing for Jon to ask is whether I want a 12 or 24 pack of Diet Coke.