Why you are missing out if you aren't best friends with Evan Gage

When I went home for Christmas break, my mother forbid me from saying the word "hate." She encouraged me to try to avoid this word because I say it too often. I think in the last week I have probably said "I hate" 100 times. At least. For instance; I hate snow, Valentine's Day, my car, my room, Saga, my phone, CCAs, my bed, my boyfriend's bright orange sweatshirt, doing laundry, being cold, Mary Profitt's outfit, all my classes, gas station coffee, and the list goes on and on. So, after some introspection, I've realized that my blog reflects my sometimes negative attitude and can be bad for my soul. As a result, I've decided to take a more positive approach to "It's Pronounced Emmaline." Here's my first try.

The most cliched Hillsdale expression is: It's the people. The reason everyone says this is because it's ironic: The phrase is true about the college, but not about the town. Oops. Was that negative? Sorry mom. At least I didn't say hate. Anyway, I've been thinking about why I love Hillsdale and what I will miss when I graduate in three months. Of course I will miss the professors, conversations in Saga, the Honors Program, Kappa, the Collegian, and all of my friends. Honestly though, the person I may miss the most is my dear friend Evan Gage.

I know as a fact, Evan has ironically said that I have never talked about him on my blog, even though he is one of the my biggest supporters and at times my only editor. He has no idea that I am writing this and I hope it's a nice surprise. But the thing about Evan is, he hates this sort of attention. He's probably mad at me for posting this. But here are the top reasons that I am, and why you're missing out if you aren't, best friends with Evan Dirk Gage.

1. He pours himself completely into everything that he does

Just try to get Evan to do something half-heartedly. Ron Swanson from "Parks and Recreations" once said, "Don't half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing." Evan can whole-ass a million things. He is the president of the history honorary, founder of the Mock Trial Team, a host every Friday night, the gang leader of the West Bank, a student ambassador, a lab assistant, and an excellent student. And don't even get him started about the Titanic - he knows EVERYTHING about it. One time, I took him to go the Queen Mary, which was built in the same era as the Titanic. Dear God. He was like a small child. But guess what? Ron Swanson would even be proud of all the whole-ass-ing Evan has done.

2. He loves to "urban explore"

By "urban explore," he really means break into things. Evan has some good curiosity - I will give him that. Sometimes this curiosity turns into getting ourselves in a bit of trouble. Mind you, we've never gotten caught by the cops. A few times while "urban exploring" in Michigan we've almost gotten killed from broken floors of abandoned houses. 

3. He makes everyone feel welcome at his house

Walk into the West Bank. It's located across the street from the Radio Station. I guarantee that Evan will be sitting in his Ikea chair, reading some ancient mystic book. He will immediately put it down, jump up, make you coffee or tea, invite you over the next night to play Catan, and make you feel like it's your own house. You may have to take off your shoes when walk in, but I suppose a man can only go so far in his hospitality.

4. He is the best road trip buddy

Evan and I have spent a significant amount of our collegiate career in the car. His car is named "Auto" and is a diesel, manual Jetta. That's right a diesel Jetta. I remember when I first told my dad, who is a huge car buff, he didn't believe me that there was such a thing as a diesel Jetta. But I swear to you Auto exists.

Because Auto does take diesel, we can take long road trips for a quarter of the cost of regular gas. I mean the thing runs and runs and you never have to fill it up. So Evan and I took advantage of this. We've been to California, Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa, D.C, Boston, Cleveland, Sandusky, Grand Rapids, Traverse City, and Ann Arbor (about 1 million times). The best part is that we never ran out of things to talk about. Ever. I mean the kid is so interesting, it's hard to get bored with him.

5. He is the epitome of a good Hillsdale student

Evan studies and studies, but this isn't what I mean by a good Hillsdale student. What is the good, you ask? Well dear friend, a good thing fulfills it's purpose - it achieves the thing for which it was made. Evan has become that student. He is 4 credits short of a triple major. He writes things down that inspire him and then memorizes them. He is invested in every class he's taken. And from knowing him since freshman year, I can tell you that Evan has allowed the greatest thinkers of the western tradition to shape his mind. And it's made him even that much cooler.

6. Look at his face

I mean COME ON. He's a TOTAL babe.

7. He reads "The Collegian" cover to cover every Thursday

You might read this and think it's stupid, but you have no idea the impact that seeing people reading the Collegian has on the members of the journalism program. People forget that journalism is a club too and that we need support just like the athletes, the Greek system, and honoraries. But Evan really does love the Collegian and gives us the encouragement we sometimes lack from the rest of campus.

8. His beards are ridiculous 

Every time I am away for awhile, I always dread seeing what Evan's face looks like. He's weird about his beard and it makes him look like a hobbit. We love him despite the fact that at times his facial hair looks like hair from another place on the body. (NOTE: Viktor proofread this for me and said I am totally wrong. Evan's beard is amazing. Just trying to keep it 'Fair and Balanced').

9. He loves his little sisters 

In all reality, this picture is adorable. It's my favorite one of Evan. It shows Evan saying goodbye to his sisters right before coming to Hillsdale. My siblings were like "Adios, enjoy college." I mean I can't even put into words how cute this picture is or how cute they are together.

10. He is the most loyal person I have ever met

Evan and I have had our share of fights. He's always told me, however, that no matter what I do he will always be my friend. With sororities, they always tell you that you will get back what you get in. With Evan, if you put in an inch, he will go a mile.

I was complaining to Evan about my negativity and he suggested that I write a post entitled "Why Hillsdale is better than your school." Though I do intend to write this post, the first one I thought of is that Hillsdale has people like Evan Gage. So here's to you Evan Gage, you bastion of higher society.